literature

Emotional

Deviation Actions

IChooseToLookUp's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

You see a lot about abuse nowadays. TV, billboards, and ads that make you cringe. Sometimes you just sit and think, "Wow. I'm glad I'm not the victim of abuse."

And then, suddenly, you wake up one morning and discover you have been abused. You've been abused for the last nine years.

I've always been on my toes with abuse. My mother instilled it in me—a deep-seeded need to defend everyone. Look out for all the signs! Self-abuse, domestic abuse, verbal abuse. I knew all the symptoms and I could tell anyone in a second if they needed to clear out as fast as possible. Yet I still managed to miss all the signals in myself.

I guess emotional abuse is different in a way. Apparently, it takes many forms. I would still look out for it to make sure I wasn't getting it from my parents or brother or boyfriend or any of the usual suspects. Yet they all treated me with dignity and respect. I never thought to look at the place I usually went to for comfort. I didn't know abuse came from friends.

The funny thing is, nothing changed today. I just woke up, woke up to the exact same argument you've fed me for the last few years. My fault, my responsibility. If I didn't do a and b, then x wouldn't happen. The same formula regurgitated for a new day.

I'm sorry, I love you, but I'm done taking the blame. I'm done bearing the responsibility. I'm done biting the bullet and apologizing for something that I know isn't completely my fault. I messed up, but the fact that you can magnify my faults while ignoring that you've done anything remotely wrong proves that I don't deserve this. I'm done sitting. I'm going to try and stand up now.

I've never stood without you. I guess I'll have to get used to it.

You were never alone, by the way. I know that's what you told everyone: you were alone, you were alone, you were alone. But you never were. You just wanted to be.

You might just get your wish.
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© 2011 - 2024 IChooseToLookUp
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wolfwings4evr's avatar
omfg I know EXACTLY what that last part is like I have a friend that is the same way...it annoys me soooooo much X3